thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
