Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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