Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
