I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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