No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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