Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
