Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love you. Go after that dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
