we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
