Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
