stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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