peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
