We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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