i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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