he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
