Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
