Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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