I'm jealous of your bromance
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
