You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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