She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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