I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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