kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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