the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
