i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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