onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
