so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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