Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
