I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
