Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
