Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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