waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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