I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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