He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
