mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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