Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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