did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
