who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
