I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
