I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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