I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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