So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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