I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
