What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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