when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
