That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize