threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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