my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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