How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
