I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
