i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
