Screwed.edu
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
