I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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