i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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