I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
