A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize