I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I could fuck to npr.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize