whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
