never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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