Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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