No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
