Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
