He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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