i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
