Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
