In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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