Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
