like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
