please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize