AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
