omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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