There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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