Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
